Trimming Down

I cleaned out my clothes closet this weekend. Five years ago, I lived in a home with a closet so large that it had electrical outlets and a heat vent because it was large enough to be considered a room by home inspectors. Then Ron and I moved into a rental home that was built in the 60s. So a large part of my clothing dilemma is that my closet is only 3-1/2 feet wide. Another part of my dilemma is that I have collected a hodge-podge of clothes over the years. As all of you have done at one time or another, I frequently stood in front of that jam-packed closet and flipped through every hanger from left to right and still could not pull together a decent outfit. A closet full of clothes and not a thing to wear! So my time to take this bull by the horns had finally come.

Six months ago, I read an idea on another blog. It said to start at one end of your closet and turn every single hanger backwards on the rod. When you took a piece of clothing out to wear it, then when you re-hang it you turn that hanger in the proper direction.Six months later, you start removing all the hangers that are still turned in the wrong direction. If you have not worn an item in 6 months, then it is unlikely that you will ever wear it again. On May 7, all my hangers got turned backwards. On November 5, Turn-Around Day had arrived.

Here is my closet before I got started last Saturday. The clothes are packed tight. The hangers actually overlap each other.

The key to this exercise is to begin at one side and remove each backwards hanging hanger individually. Look at the item and determine if it can go into the Goodwill box or needs to go into the trash. Those are you only two choices. "I might lose enough weight to wear it again some day" is not an option. Let's face it, girls...if you do lose that much weight, you are probably going to be out shopping for new things anyway. If you have not worn an item in six months it's probably because you didn't really like the item in the first place, you don't really enjoy the color or you would wear it more often, it never matched any other item in your closet, or it does not fit properly so it is not comfortable to wear. You must be relentless as you move through this exercise - donate or toss - that is the only question.

The first few items were hard for me to put on the give-away pile. My first pieces were several pairs of dress slacks. Most had been worn only a few times and still looked brand new. Three pair still had the price tags on them!!! Those three pair are the ones that were a size smaller than I am now. I have no idea how long I have been holding on to them thinking I "might be able to wear them some day." I'm very glad these particular items were among my first decisions. I so wanted to put those three slacks back in the closet, because, after all, I'm on a new diet now and 'I just might be able to wear them soon'. But then I reminded myself that was not one of my options - donate or toss -- the only question. It was difficult laying these slacks on the give away pile. I laid them aside one at a time with very wistful glances, but I did it.

After that major moment, the rest was easy. I ended up with three stacks to donate and tossed only three items.  This is my bed after emptying the closet - there are two stacks up near the pillows and another stack (of nothing of slacks!) at the foot beside the pile of hangers. Just look at all those "free" hangers I now have.

After removing the clothes that were controlling my closet, I re-ordered what was left placing types of clothes and then colors together. This is what I ended up with. I just stood back and admired how beautiful it looks. It was very satisfying to see organization rather than chaos.   And every morning this week, I have quickly and easily chosen outfits for work. My husband commented that I didn't have much left to choose from, that I would be wearing the same clothes to work over and over again. And that was an aha moment...that's what I was doing anyway, even when I had a closet full of clothes. I had always been going back to good old stand-bys day after day. Only now, it was much easier to find those stand-bys with all the clutter out of the way.

Now I know that I will still be out there at Belk and Macy's buying new clothese very soon. Thus, the rod will begin to sag and groan again. So guess what I will be doing next Saturday. You got it, every hanger gets turned around backwards on November 12, 2011; and May 12, 2012, I get to do it all again.

Fourth Quarter

Almost there. October is half over and then there will be three.

As I begin to approach and prepare for this new beginning, I have been watching friends and co-workers who have retired before me. Admittedly, some have become old crones and curmudgeons overnight, while others have welcomed these years with open arms. Not wanting to be one of the crones nor be married to a curmudgeon, I began to research the pitfalls you may find in retirement. I found an article that detailed the Four Major Fears of Retirement.

1. Financial Ruin
2. Filling the Days
3. Faultering Physical Capabilities
4. Failing Mental Capabilities.

As I reflected on those fears, I began to realize that if you take care of #2, the other fears would take care of themselves. When the day of retirement comes, you have either saved enough or you haven't - you have gotten out of debt or you still carry heavy loads of debts. If you have reached retirement age and you have not taken care of the debts and savings, then fear of financial ruin is a real one. But even if you have not saved enough dollars and cents, use your common sense and newly found extra time to find ways to economize. But here is the good news. If you focus on Fear #2 and fill your days with using your brain and your body, the remaining fears will not be near as frightening.

Of course, there is a reason that finances are at the top of the worry list. It doesn't matter how much you have saved or prepared, it's knowing that you can't predict what tomorrow holds that makes you worry that you may not have saved enough to get you to the end of the road. On the other side of that fear, I think about the recent death of Steve Jobs. One of the richest men in the world. He worked until the end. But even had he retired, financial ruin would have been at the bottom of his Fear List; because even with all his money and assets, none of it could give him the one thing he needed. We all walk that path eventually and it matters not how much or how little you have in the bank or investments.

There are no predictable effects on physical health, mental health, financial health, or self-esteem. Retirement is one of life's many milestones. But ponder about the many transitions you have already navigated in your life: teen years, college life, launching a career or business, marriage, having babies, raising your children, facing the empty nest, now paying for someone else's college life, assisting ailing parents (perhaps financially as well as physically), discovering the joys of being a grandparent. Now recall the fears and anxities and came along as those milestones approached  - yet you managed each one and each one brought joys along the way.

For me, that last time I walk into the office for another 8-hour stint will be a Day of Delight. But the best part of that day will be when I walk in the door and call out, "Honey, I'm home!".

Five More to Go

What can I say? I'm a serious procrastinator when it comes to writing on my blog. But today could not be ignored as I pulled down and trashed another calendar page. Five more months to R-Day. But now I'm getting nervous. No house built or purchased yet. No options in sight. If God doesn't turn up that perfect dwelling soon, R-Day may end up being postponed. I welcome any and all prayer support on our behalf that He will soon reveal our new home.

Ocean Breezes

Ron and I are on a long weekend with our son and DIL. This is one last trip with them before Baby G arrives in October. We drove through heavy rains on the way down. Yesterday was a bit overcast but nicely cool by the water. A typical Florida vacation, we soaked up the rays most of the day, went to Pompano Joe's for seafood, came back to the balcony to enjoy dessert while listening to the surf.

Here we are on day 2. Ron and I were up early walking the shoreline and watching the sunrise while the other two slept in. Right this minute, I can't imagine too many better place to be than on the balcony with our coffee cups watching the sun makes it's full appearance over the horizon. Life is good. (sorry - couldn't get my photo to upload with this iPad)

Is Anybody Out There?

OK. I know people are reading my blog. For some reason, only four lovely people have signed up to be "followers" of my blog. However, since yesterday at this time, there are have been 14 visitors to my site. So I guess there are people out there who are finding something of interest in my musings.  They just prefer to be blog stalkers rather than blog followers.

"There are peole who come into our lives as welcome as a cool breeze in summer--and last about as long." Alan Christoffersen

So for those of you who are reading anonymously...thank you. Even if I never know who you are, when I see my reader count go up, it is as satisfying as a cool summer breeze.

Needs vs. Wants

As I approach my next Life Passage and have those financial worries coursing through my veins, I am constantly checking my spreadsheets to visually remind myself that our retirement incomes will be able to meet our needs. However, like most Americans, my wants far exceed my needs. Yet many of the things we continually want may give temporary pleasure, but they do not necessarily contribute to our happiness. When I stop to realize that I will be able to meet my basic needs and even be able to gather in many of the wants, I realize that in giving up some of the wants (which cause me to have to continue to work 8 hours a day), then what I will gain in return is more time and energy for those things I know will contribute to my happiness. Time for helping family, time for socializing, time for my various interests, and especially time for snuggling and playing with three special boys and the little girl soon to join us.

Time with these three and the one on the way.

More times for precious moments like these - when you turn around to find a little one has grabbed your granny glasses.

Mark always like my rhinestone-studded glasses best.

From Peter Walsh: “In life, there are limits. We can’t all climb Mt. Everest. We can’t all live in mansions with butlers and drive Rolls-Royces. We can’t all have an unlimited source of funds just as we can’t have unlimited natural resources. On planet Earth there are limitations to be had despite desires, wants, entitlements, and wishes. And despite your best efforts, limits are all around us. Some of our limits are flexible – some are absolute limits beyond which we cannot go. Pretending limits do not exist can be a serious mistake."

Shorter and Shorter

Look at this calendar! Here I am at June 1. Seven more months to go. After just 30 days, I will be down to two rows of calendars.  If you see a spot of color near the top left, that is a little graphic I have added - it's a woman daydreaming about sun and sand, chaise lounges, and cold beverages. I just need to add three little boys and one little girl to the picture.

I am now on the countdown of the last time I'll do this. I just returned to the office after attending my last "end of year" cookout with RCPS. And I made my appointment with the Teacher Retirement counselor just now. Now that makes it real!

The Margo Story

If you are interested in the story behind how my Nikko blue got her name of Margo, please click here to visit my sister's blog.

Beautiful Blooms

My Margo Hydrangea that sits on my little brick patio. Small blooms but proliferate for a "contained" hydrangea. Hoepfully, I will be moving Margo to her new home in North Carolina soon.

Margo Hydrangea

Take Me Out to the Ballgame

Small Pleasures

Funny how a single little clematis bloom can make you smile.

Four Down

Four down and eight more to go. But who's counting???

Moving Days

Last weekend Ron and I spent several days with Jennifer (while Rob was out of town) helping her move more items from the old homeplace to the new homeplace. They have a lovely house that they are turning in a warm and beautiful home for three little boys. One day, I took Gantt with me to give Jennifer a bit more freedom to continue to unpack at the new place. I thought he would just play around in the vacated living room with the box of toys still there. On my first trip out to the SUV with boxes, I gave him some small things to carry - simply because I wanted him with me rather than leaving him in the house alone. It took only one trip for him to figure out what we were doing. Guess he decided to forget about the boring boxes, he was going to take things that were important to him!

A hockey stick for Daddy.

And a hockey stick for me!

Here is a photo of Gantt and Mark playing in a bookcase that we had turned on its side before taking it down the stairs.



Gantt trying to mimic Mark's posture.



After all this work, Gantt was ready for a well-deserved rest. He loves wearing GG's glasses - doesn't care if they are right side up or upside down! What a doll.

Mother-Daughter

Last month, I had the wonderful opportunity to taking a trip with my daughter. All alone - no children, no husbands. Just the two of us. We met in Orlando and spent two days at Universal Studios. Both of us being fans of the Harry Potter books, we wanted to visit The Wizarding World of Harry Potter (HPW), and we knew that our grown-up boys had absolutely no interest and the little boys were, well, just too little.

HPW was amazing. As soon as you stepped through the entrance gates, you felt as if you were truly walking the streets of Hogsmeade with all of its rickety, crookedy, "snow-covered" shops and restaurants. We visited Honeydukes, the candy shop with all-flavor jellybeans and chocolate-covered frogs. Dervish and Bangles was filled with magical objects and the requisite shirts and caps. And, of course, we made a stop in Hogsmeade Tavern for a taste of Harry's famous Butterbeer (a butterscotch flavored sugary slushie.)

Most of the shops were nothing but store fronts that highlighted scenes or activities from the book. One such shop was Magical Plants. In this storefront window were plants that the Hogwarts students studied in Herbology class. Plants like Bouncing Bulb , Bobotuber, Devil's Snare, Gillyweed, and Flitterbloom. Highlighted in the center of the main window of this shop was the Screechsnap - a plant that wiggles & squeaks uncomfortably when given too much dragon dung. 

At the far end of Hogsmeade, high on a hill, sits Hogwarts Castle. The gates to Hogwarts are, of course, watched over by a massive pair of "pig-goyles".

Built over a thousand years ago by a (fictional) wizard architect, Hogwarts is now home to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Hogwarts is, of course, an enchanted castle. So if "muggles" approach the castle, all they will see is a ruin with a sign warning them to keep out and that the ruins are unsafe. Because of the ancient spells and incantations that protect the castle's inhabitants, muggles cannot see the true goings-on of the castle. One thing is for sure, if you do see anyone in a cloak wandering towards a ruined and dangerous castle, don't stop him; he may have an exam that he needs to get to!

Hogwarts Castle is believed to be located in Scotland. It is built in a forested area and sits on the edge of the Black Lake, high above the village of Hogsmeade. All things magical happen within its walls, including the fact that people in portraits hung on the wall are still alive in another realm - they can talk and actually move from one portrait to another to visit with one another. The castle's interior architecture of staircases, secret passages, and chambers is forever changing, a feature contributed by Hogwarts founder Rowena Ravenclaw.

The fictional Hogwarts Castle is actually based on a real, still-inhabited working castle - Alnwick Castle in Northumberland, England. Built in 1096, Alnwick Castle is the second largest inhabited castle in England. Perhaps daughter and I could make that trip some day.

We spent the second morning of our two-day venture at the hotel. Jennifer reading, computing, and snoozing in our room; while I sat in the lobby reading, people-watching, and keeping an eye on the storm raging outside.

We were able to make it back to HPW and Citywalk the afternoon of our second day. We got a little wet, but we got silly photos of ourselves on the Hogwarts Castle ride - rain ponchos and all.

Most of all, it was just a nice time alone with my daughter to catch up on topics we never get around to discussing with others around, and actually finishing a conversation without getting interrupted. We had great meals together and saw two movies - Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows and The Lincoln Lawyer.

Then it was up at 4:00 a.m. to catch a 7:30 flight back to our real lives. This time next year, I plan to be living near her, and I do hope we can make it an annual event to get away for just two days on another "Girl Trip".

Oh, yes. Almost forgot. I did not make any souvenier purchases for myself on this trip. But when we were in Dr. Suess Land, I did purchase Thing 1, Thing 2, and Thing 3 t-shirts for my 3 grandthings.

Blissful Sound

There is nothing like the pure love you have for a grandchild - child of my child, heart of my heart. Everything about each one born is uniquely special. Grandmothers never tire of rocking, feeding, diaper changing, hugging, smiles, giggles, and snuggles. Grandmothers may be the only people on earth who take great delight in hearing babies breathing into the phone.

But the most blissful sound is the first time you hear that Special One speak your name. That is what happened to me today. I phoned Jennifer to see how she is faring with all the nuances of her hectic schedule this week and the twins were in the mood to "talk" to me. Brett said Mark and by-by. Then Jennifer asked Gantt if he wanted to talk to G.G. and he very distinctly said "G.G." to me for the first time. 

My heart leapt. My heart was immediately flooded with absolute joy. It doesn't matter how many grandchildren you have, that first time each individual grandchild utters your name is one of those undescribable moments of Pure Bliss that simply must be experienced.

9 Months

Only nine months left - I could carry and deliver a baby within that timeframe. It is actually 38 weeks, and I will be walking out of the school building where I have spent the last 22 years for my last time.

9 Months - but who's counting?

Last year I was very excited as I contemplated what life would be like after retirement. Using mornings for exercise rather than commuting, getting the laundry and shopping done on weekdays rather than cramming it all into a Saturday, and time to visit with family and friends rather than fellow inmates.

Yet now as I am down to counting the weeks, the fears are setting in. Fear of becoming lazy because I will have so much leisure time, fear of becoming a recluse, and the looming fear of will there be enough money to make the ends meet. And sometimes I feel that little demon on my shoulder reminding me that this is the last chapter of the book. Childhood, school years, newlywed days, motherhood, profession...all those chapters have already been read and I am in the last quarter of the story. I try to ignore that little demon as much as possible.

All in all, doing what I want between 9-5 instead of what the "boss man" wants has a nice ring to it.

Retirement is when the living is easy and the payments are hard — Unknown wise person

The Big Countdown - Third Month

Even though March is almost behind us, I can still count this as the third month of my final year at RCPS - leaving me 10 more months to work during 2011. The first two months have flown by. After I get a full week of workdays in this week, I will be off on a special mother-daughter mini-vication with Jennifer the last week of March.

The major happenings of March include

• celebrating with our son as he earns Aircraft Commander ranking with the USAF
• moving to mortgage company #3 to secure the construction loan to start our new home in North Carolina
• planning a mother-daughter trip with Jennifer
• attending church with my 3rd sister and her family to stand in support with her great-granddaughter, Patience, during her night of baptism into the the Family of God.

March has been good. And when I return to the office in April, there will be only nine months left of this chapter of my life. Amazing.

She's My Super Hero.

Where has the time gone. It's truly amazing how life can get so busy with the must-dos that we just can't squeeze in time for the want-to-dos. But I'm back and ready to muse about a fun week with the grands.

Since my last writing which marvelled about how efficiently my daughter juggles the many demands on her time, Ron and I were able to spend a week in Wake Forest staying with the three boys while Jen and Rob took a much-deserved vacation. What a blast. I realize that some of you are thinking I'm a wee bit touched in the brain to think that eight days and nights with a 7-year-old and two 2-year-olds was a blast. But for those of you who are grandparent cohorts of mine, you totally get it! 

But before I begin to bore you with the grandmotherly details of the week, let me just say up front that Jennifer is now officially my Super Hero. I had only eight days but she lives this life every single day. It is demanding, full of non-stop activity, and hectic at times. You can go to bed at night with a gameplan in mind for the next day - but as Rob says, "the plan always is to plan on the plan changing". Oh what words of wisdom. Never did a day go as I planned.

It all begins at 6:00 a.m. and you finally get a minute for yourself at 9:00 p.m. (if things go according to plan, that is). By that time, you no longer care about all those things you thought you would do once you got all the boys asleep. Forget the reading, forget the TV, forget the sewing, forget calling friends or family - you just look at each other and say, are you ready for bed?

It was a busy week. Brett was well that week so there were no additional medications for him. But as most of you know, his usual medications and treatments take up a couple of hours each day. Then the grocery shopping and laundry and cooking and diapering and the playing and the loving and the chauferring - whew! This was one tired granny.

As we pulled out of the drive before dawn on February 27, I settled back thinking about the week and marvelled over and over again about Jennifer's dedication, stamina, commitment, and great love. We made it safely home and we were in bed at 7:00 p.m. - probably asleep by 7:10 p.m.  And every night that week I was in bed by 8:00 at the latest. But it was such a wonderful week that I wouldn't trade that time for anything. I have sweet memories to last a long time.

This is my second week back home and I am finally feeling rested and refreshed and ready to go back and do it all over again. Today, I am still reflecting on all the responsiblity that Jennifer carries on her shoulders. She could not do what she does without the unique partnership and support that Rob provides. She could not do what she does without a heart overflowing with unconditional love. I know that her strong faith is the main Source in the development of the outstanding traits she possesses.  And that Power is what she depends on to get her through each day. As I watch her minister to those three boys, I see "Jesus the servant in action". Am I proud of her? You bet!!! She's my Super Hero.

She's My Hero

This is the story of a little girl who came into my life many years ago. From the day she was born, she always had delicate features. When I would hug her to myself, I would always marvel at how fragile her bone structure felt in my arms and I would usually say as I hugged, "you are so little."

One Christmas when she was about six years old, we saw the movie, "The Little One", which is the story of a tiny little donkey who was given an important task - he was to carry Mary to Bethlehem. That was the day I began calling my daughter Little One. I called her that a lot through childhood and even through her college years. But I stopped when she married. I guess I thought she had outgrown the name. Even though she still has those delicate features and fine bone structure, today she is a poised young woman and the childhood nickname sounds a little out of place so I only call her that in times of extreme stress.

My Little One became a mother for the first time in 2003. For six years she thoroughly enjoyed mothering that little boy. I watched her grow as she seriously embraced this new role. There were many fun times during those six years as well as several trying life episodes.

After several months of trying to enlarge her family, she not only was blessed with pregnancy, she found out there would be two babies this time. A few months later, she learned that these two new babies were both boys. How could she be more blessed? She was going to be the mother of three boys. She would be the queen of an all-male household.

I watched that tummy grow and grow and grow, and worried that it could not possibly grow any larger

Then the surprise. Labor pains were coming sooner than they should have. Water broke. The rush to the hospital and the emergency C-section.

Then the uncertainty. One baby was small but just fine. One baby was small and had a problem. He was rushed to another hospital for surgery. Daddy went with this baby while Mommy and brother remained.

Then the heartbreak. The diagnosis for Brett was cystic fibrosis. But my Little One has a quiet strength that rises up when called upon. She has a fierce love and determination to give everything within her to her own little ones.

Its been almost two years now since that day, and I'm even more amazed with my Little One than ever before. She has been with Brett through more surgeries. Each surgery holding that unspoken fear that he might not survive. She has nursed him through multiple infections that have weakened his little lungs. She has made an untold number of trips to the CF clinic. In 24 months there have been 12 hospitalizations. When he is home, the medicine administration and breathing treatments take up several hours of her day. All the while, there is another baby to take care of and a 6-year-old that still needs mother's guidance and caring.

She runs a small enterprise..and its a lot more than just cooking the meals and washing the clothes. She is a dedicated planner, organizer, decision maker, psychologist, teacher, nurse, life coach, life partner, comforter, chauffer, cheerleader, and confidant. Doing all of this and more while she caters to the schedules, preferences, and needs of the people she loves. And she even manages a few minutes to call her mother once in a while.

Yes, at the end of the day, she sees the results of her efforts. She sees it reflected in the eyes of her husband and children. She sees it in the happy smiles on the faces of her children. She hears it in the joyful ring of their laughter. She feels it with each set of arms that hug her tightly each night.

Now this young woman not only handles it all, she handles it all with grace and dignity. I watch her. I watch her juggle all of this and listen to her hum while she works. I see the tiredness in her face, then I marvel at how she can overcome that fatigue and give those boys a sweet smile while patiently providing them whatever it is they need at the moment. She has plenty of love to go around.

I watch my Little One these days. I watch her prepare different foods based on each boy's desires and needs. I watch her find the way to play with each boy at their own level. This means playing sports with one, trucks with another, and baby games with another. I watch her dispense the medications. I watch her give the baths. And I watch her change diapers and change soiled outfits all day long.

All of this happen while she spends hours and energy taking care of a CF baby. I see the hurt on her face that she can't cure the disorder for him. I see the worry on her face that each hospitalization and each new health challenge brings. I ask her how she manages the fears and hurts. She simply replies that she is just doing everything she can to make his days as healthy as possible. She's one absolutely amazing woman. She's my Little One. She's my hero.

Happy New Year

According to the Chinese Zodiac, the Year of 2011 is the Year of the Metal Rabbit, which begins on February 3, 2011, and ends on January 22, 2012. The Rabbit is the fourth sign of the Chinese Zodiac, which consists of 12 animals signs. The start of Chinese New Year changes every year since it is dictated by the lunar calendar.

For 2011, today is the Chinese New Year and ushers in the Year of the Rabbit. A placid year, the Year of the Rabbit will be very much welcomed and needed after the ferocious Year of the Tiger. According to the Chinese philosophy, good taste and refinement will shine on everything and people will acknowledge that persuasion is better than force. The Year of the Rabbit should be a congenial time in which diplomacy, international relations and politics will be given a front seat again. We will act with discretion and make reasonable concessions without too much difficulty.

It is also a time to watch out that we do not become too indulgent. The influence of the Rabbit tends to spoil those who like too much comfort and thus impair their effectiveness and sense of duty.

In this auspicious year, our lifestyles will tend to be languid and leisurely as we allow ourselves the luxuries of a slower paced life. For once, it may seem possible for us to be carefree and happy without too many annoyances.

Being born in a Metal Rabbit year myself, I plan to luxuriate in "my" year. Rabbits can be rather congenial, but we also enjoy our space. I look forward to walking placidly through this healing year in my life, taking the time to reflect on my Creator and the reasons why He has set me on this path in this particular time in history - and taking time to reflect on the words of Desiderata, with its words of wisdom written almost 100 years ago.

desiderata - by max ehrmann
Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann c.1920

The Big Countdown

February has arrived. One down and only eleven more to go. At the end of the day yesterday, I removed one of the 12 calendars from the Big Countdown of Calendars hanging on my wall in my office.

Now don't get me wrong. My job at RCPS has been good in so many ways. When I retire, I will have worked here for 22 years. However, my dreams in my early years were simple. I just wanted to be a good mother and wife. I never really sought a career other than that, but one day life changed for my husband and me, and I suddenly needed a paycheck.

So 22 years later, I can say that working at RCPS has certainly provided job satisfaction and friendships along with that steady paycheck. Yet I look forward to reaching that delightful day of taking that retirement check and returning to my original dream...except this time it will be grandmothering rather than mothering.

If life follows the plan Ron and I are developing, then one year from today I will be in Wake Forest probably still unpacking boxes and turning a new house into a home.

My oldest grandson will be starting another hockey season...one in which I will actually be able to attend all of his games.

My little twins will be going on three, so I will have a little bit of time with them before they enter the magical realm of pre-kindergarten.

My prayer is that all our planning falls into place. But all of us know that the road of life is filled with the unplanned - those unexpected twists and turns and detours. Our best lessons are learned as you deal with the unplanned. In my mind's eye, I have created what I think is a happy scenario for next February. But being happy does not necessarily mean having the scenario play out exactly as you had planned; it means determining to look beyond any imperfections and find joy in what is. Happiness can be found in remembering to be grateful for all the people in our lives and find the beauty that surrounds us all every day that we are alive.

On this first day of February, embrace gratefulness for your life, however it looks. Stop for a few minutes and take a mental walk among your blessings and "count them one by one".

For the beauty of the earth,
for the glory of the skies,
for the love which from our birth
over and around us lies;
Lord of all, to thee we raise
this our hymn of grateful praise.

            Hymn by Folliot S. Pierpoint

Boys and Brothers

God is good. Brothers are special.

Winter Garden

Finished reading Winter Garden by Kristin Hannah while on my snow vacation. It is officially one of my favorite books.

The story of a mother and the two daughters to whom she cannot express her love. It was rather depressing in the beginning and I almost put it aside, but now I'm so happy that I didn't.

Anya's secrets are heartbreaking. She clearly loves her husband and he dearly loves their daughters. But Anya's secret keeps her from showing love to the girls. The only place Anya seems to find peace is in her husband's presence, in telling her fairy tales, and in her Winter Garden. As the book unfolds, we find out the importance of the garden and the reasons behind its design, but there are surprises still to come. I couldn't figure out why there was no color in the garden. Even in the summer, it is all green and white - no color. But Hannah finally explains it and I cried and cried. In fact, as you get to the end of the book, you will want to have a hankie close by. The ending was so satisfying that I re-read the last chapter and boo hooed again. Great character development. You will find yourself getting quite mad at the characters for some of their choices. Yet you so fully understand them that your heart breaks for them even while they are making poor choices. This would make a great movie.



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Heigh ho, Heigh ho

It's off to work I go. The mini-vacation is over. With heart sagging and feet dragging, I managed to make it back to my desk at RCPS just now. Yesterday was the MLK holiday so at least I only have to get through a four-day work week.

It's funny that all the female co-workers in my building were sad about returning. The women in my age group liked that little taste of what retirement will be like. The younger women loved having a full week to be a stay-at-home mom. Only the men here are bouncing up and down the halls happy to be back out in the work world. They can have it. Are our male/female psyches hard-wired to be workers/hearthkeepers, respectively?

The better part of the morning for the women has been the exchange of news - sharing what I did with my time and catching up on their doings. Thanks to the ability to check work e-mails and voice-mails from home means very few of us have a backlog of messages to follow-up on so I suspect a little less work will get done today. After all, we all are feeling the need to ease back into this routine.

I've noticed the early arrivers did not get in quite as early this morning. The people who usually arrive on the button are still not here 10 minutes later. Now that I've finished my commisserating with co-workers about the inevitable return, it's time to review that suspense folder and make my to do list for the day.

One day at a time. Just get through today and then there's only three more. By next Monday, it will be business as usual.

Finding Balance

I'm enjoying my last day of Snow-In January. Snow is still on the ground and the roads are pretty much clear, but the temperature is in the teens in the Atlanta area so our schools are still closed. The air brakes on school buses do not perform very well in temperatures this low. So the school system Super Powers decided that it wasn't worth the risk of brake failure just to get in one day of school this week.

The hibernation has been fun but making up the hours will be burdensome. Sigh. It has been nice to have the time this week to clear out some of the clutter and organize that which I am keeping. This week has also caused me to begin to ponder my upcoming retirement and how my days of unemployment may look. It's a bit hard for me to imagine how it will really to be to have all that free time because I have been gainfully employed for over 20 years. My sisters and friends just laugh when I talk about all that free time I see in my future. Do they know something I don't yet know?

My pondering has led me to thinking about the importance of a balanced life. My life has not been balanced during my working years - especially not during the last 5 years. For the last five years I have worked 8-hours days and commuted 2 hours each day. So between 10 hours of commute/work, 2 hours of morning routines, 1 hour of lunchtime errands, 1 hour of dinner prep and eating, then 7 hours of sleeping, I have been left with a grand total of THREE hours on weekdays to do the things I want to do. And, of course, I'm so pooped by the time those three hours become available to me that I don't have the energy for doing much of anything.

But this week I've had the time and energy to begin preparing for the retirement stage of life and one thing I have been working on is my Wheel of Life. Those things that are important to me and that will help me live a balanced life. I want my wheel to be made up of 7 spokes - Spiritual, Family, Social, Work, Financial, Physical, and Mental.

My wheel has not been balanced these last few years. The career spoke has taken up so much time that the other spokes have been seriously shortchanged. Several areas have gone completely out of round, so the ride has been rough. This week at home has given me a new excitement for getting my Wheel nicely rounded out again. Easier said than done, right? Well for me, I have developed five attitudes that I will begin internalizing now so that I am ready for a productive retirement in 2012.

1) Let Go of the Busyness
Get rid of those activities that are unfulfilling.

2) Simplify
Stop over-scheduling and over-committing. Simplifying also means keeping my household free of clutter and possessions that require too much of my time for maintenance.

3) Put First Things First
After prioritizing the spokes of my Wheel, make a point of doing something that impacts the top three spokes early in the day.

4) Create Daily Routines but Remain Flexible
Daily routines are important to our mental health. But if we become slaves to the routine, we become bitter and hardened.

5) Do Something for At Least One Person Each Day
This could be as simple as preparing breakfast for husband or as elaborate as shopping for a shut-in or volunteering at the hospital. The point is to not let it be all about me.

Snow-In 2011

I am in day 4 of the big snow/ice storm in Atlanta. Ron went to work today but my school system is still closed so I get a bonus day of hibernation. I have spent my morning cleaning, decluttering, and preparing documents for our construction loan application. That new book I downloaded to my iPad last night is still sitting there softly calling my name. Perhaps I can be introduced to that group of new friends this afternoon.

The snow is beginning to melt in my back yard. The shadows the sun makes on the snow are beautiful. My little gardening shed stands solid, patiently waiting for my return this coming spring.

Ron helped me put the raised-bed vegetable garden to bed last fall by covering it with a blanket of mulched leaves. This week it has received an extra blanket of snow. Just imagine how that snow is going to help those leaves turn into compost even faster. I wonder, are there tons of beneficial nutrients in that snow that are leaching into my garden soil getting ready to make my tomatoes and squash large and juicy?

Human Hibernation

Ron and I are in our third day of forced hibernation. We are working hard not to get too stir crazy. It has been easier for me as I am a home body...a bit harder for Ron who is much more of a people person.  I have embraced these days of solitude as an unexpected vacation and I have spent my time catching up on reading, planning resolutions for 2011, and even pulling out the old cross-stitch bag. These days have also served as a warning of what my upcoming days of retirement will be like. Except that hubby and I will be able to get outdoors and not be totally cooped up together 24/7.

Do you know that there really is such a thing called Human Hibernation Syndrome?  It's true! It seems that just like bears, human also enjoy sleeping a bit more when it comes to avoiding the winter. When the temperature drops and the days are shorter, the human body slows down a bit and we start to see changes in our mood. We tend to want to sleep more and eat more as well. I know I have certainly slept and eaten more in just these last three days of being enclosed in my "cave". It is the shorter hours of daylight that seems to make the difference. Light is a very important thing for humans. Our brain needs light in order to be working at its best. If there isn't enough light, you can become sleepy or just sluggish. This explains why it can be so hard for many people to get through the winter - we always seem so tired when the days are shorter and darker. It was very tempting to stay up late watching movies and then sleep in late each morning as we were not required to get up, get dressed, and head out to the workplace during these three days. However, we have made a concentrated effort to go to bed and arise on our usual schedule. By going to bed on time, we have discovered that we did not have to set an alarm clock. We awakened naturally after 7 or 8 hours of sleep. The trick was to resist the temptation to snuggle back down under those warm covers for a few more hours. Getting out of bed and turning on all the lights first thing was paramount to maintaining a good mood and energy to get the day going. It has turned out to be a very nice mini-vacation, but now we are ready to start crawling out of this hibernation cave.

In the midst of our forced hibernation, we have not forgotten to take care of the little birdies.

This is a view of the hill in front of our house (photo taken from standing on my front porch.... brrrr).